A little lost

Sometimes I feel as though I expect too much from certain people in my life. And I end up being disappointed for no apparent reason.

I look at people sometimes and I see how their lives are, with their friends, with their family, their own self esteem. And then I realize I will never know what they are thinking, so far, everything on the outside seems so balanced, yet on the inside, their expressions look as though they're shaking and falling over and over again. And then I just hope, hope for the best for them, that they will soon learn to be happier with their lives. I don't know, it can't be that difficult to be content with your life. It's amazing when you come across those rare people, that seem to naturally (admirably) be happy all the time. That wake up happy and go to sleep happy. Those people, confident and content, ready for challenges - I really admire those kinds of people.

But where do I have a say in all of this? Aren't I just the same? Sure, I am adjusting. Adjusting to being the only sibling, adjusting to being less dependent on those around me and adjusting to missing the fragments of my life that seemed to have made it so whole. But at the same time I can see how much happier I have made my mum and dad by simply putting an effort to kiss and hug them every night, to thank them when I get home in the car, to tell mum she looks pretty in her dress, to make them breakfast.

And I think this is where people get it wrong. When they seek happiness, they seek it within themselves - but what they're not seeing, what they're not realizing is that, aside from happiness within oneself, it stems from the outside world. I'm not saying that the happiness stems from confidence that grows from people's compliments or their praise. That self-love, you have to find within yourself. What I'm saying is that, the best kind of happiness, is seeing the people you love, happy. And by feeling that elation - it's what gradually changes everything in your life. Your energy, your health, your general well being. By taking the smallest of steps, there are so many chain reactions that follow and have the ability to change your life. For example, with friends, siblings or anyone - just start by listening to what they have to say. Not just hearing what they're saying but really putting your heart into understanding them. I feel it's the best kind of advice you can give. When people hear themselves say things out loud, instead of thinking them and keeping them all bubbled on the inside, they usually solve their own problems and frustrations in the process of telling it to someone that will listen.

It's been hard - in a non complaining, bratty way. This year, having neglected such a large part of my life was and still continues to be a challenge. I want you to be happy, and sometimes it's hard to set aside my own selfishness of wanting what I decided to let go. I will always love the person you are. As I continue to try my best to love and accept the people around me.

We all see each other's flaws, we aren't stupid. No, but those who choose to accept those flaws about people, not even having to "love" those flaws, but just merely accepting them, is how you will be content. But like most things, it's easier said than done. But you know what? I'll try my best, and although I may never get there, I at least know I tried.

And I hope you do to. Whoever is reading this.