I can see

I've thought of something that I really don't like, despite the positives of being an overly observant person it sometimes shows you things you don't want to notice and things you don't want to feel or see.

I hate hearing things I don't want to know about people as well as hearing lies being told to me one after the other. Things that begin to accumulate and change the way you view the people around you. It can get really hard, especially when it happens with people already so close to you in life.

What choices are we meant to take under these circumstances? Is it bad to no longer see things the way they used to be. To doubt, to no longer have faith? I tell myself that it is, and instead I try to focus on the areas in my life where I do feel secure, I do feel safe and I feel like me. And honestly I think that's the way I will handle this. Let the pieces fall where they are meant to be. Why be unhappy when you can be happy?

Sometimes it just gets difficult determining whether it has reached an extent to where I no longer wish to take part of, to sometimes just leave and explore the world. And then the burden of the years, memories shut me back up again.

It's a little bit like what you would call opportunity cost in economics, the longer I'm dwelling on this issue the more I'm missing out on the other opportunities and roads I could have taken. Yet, the final decision I make, is one in half confusion and half regret. How can I bear such a substantial part of me to be gone? To no longer share all these memories with.

Being critical, doubtful, insecure is the worst thing I can be right now. That is one thing I am sure of. Despite feeling sunken on the inside, I best just focus on the best areas of my life.

After all high school won't be my whole life, in fact it will contain some of my best and worst memories. It's only the beginning. I am young, and I shall be happy that the path I choose, will be uniquely mine, my own path to happiness and happiness to the ones I love.